Chapter Two

‘So the turn we have to take is three miles from the path straight from the crossroads,’ said Gamallio as they went, ‘we have to be able to figure out when we are at the crossroads then, and not just walk straight and miss it, so we can estimate three miles from that point and not walk past the turn.’

‘It will be easy, he said it was a good long while on this road til we get to the crossroads, so we just keep going until we have faith it’s been a good long while, thus at the crossroads, then we can estimate three miles’ said Centen.

‘…that’s not how faith works, you know it’s not, we need to figure out a sensible way,’ said Gamallio.

‘It could be, you never know, it might just work,’ said Centen.

‘No, we need to figure out a sensible way.’

‘Why don’t we just take these blindfolds off until we get to the crossroads at least, I don’t think we can sensibly do this blind.’

‘Have faith, man! We can’t risk seeing a woman.’

‘Can’t we just say a prayer we don’t see any women between here and the crossroads, take off the blindfolds and then have faith?’

‘No we certainly cannot, that’s exactly how it doesn’t work.’

‘How exactly does it work?’

‘Man, if you’re asking that you’re not having faith, just have faith.’

‘Well I’ve got plenty of faith to reckon when’s a good long while.’

‘No I said we need to think of a sensible way to figure out when we’re at the crossroads.’

‘I defer to you.’

‘The reason I asked you to begin with was because I was already deferring to you.’

‘Well I’m retracting your deferring.’

‘Then I’m overruling your retracting my deferring.’

‘Then I reinstate my retracting your deferring.’

‘Yes well I’m overruling that.’

‘Then you can imagine I’m reinstating.’

‘Nope, overruled.’

‘Not quite… reinstated!’

‘Overruled!’

‘Reinstated!’

‘You can’t reinstate what’s been overruled.’

‘Who are you to state the rules? The fact is, my retracting of your deferring has been reinstated.’

‘Then overruled!’

‘Reinstated!’

And so, too uncertain of a solution, they continued like this for a good long while. Then they heard voices.

‘Which way do you think it is then?’ said a woman

‘I can hardly tell, you tell me,’ said another woman.

The two women saw the sarabaites and greeted them.

‘Heya maybe you two fellas can help us, I’m Mari and this is Mary, we’re trying to get to Babamaria, and don’t know which road to take,’ said Mari.

‘Are we at a crossroads,’ said Centen.

‘Yes,’ said Mari.

‘Why don’t you check the signs?’

‘We’re illiterate.’

‘Oh.’

‘Hey, why do you wear the blindfolds,’ said Mary.

‘We’ve vowed never to look at a woman again, so must travel blind in case we chance upon women on the road, as we have now,’ said Centen.

‘But you’re OK talking to women?’ said Mary

‘Not really, but there’s not an official restriction in place,’ said Centen

‘Do you know which way to go to get to Babamaria, right, left or straight on,’ said Mari.

‘Not without seeing the signs, no; but we do know if you go straight on that leads to Ninidom, and I know Babamaria isn’t in the same direction as Ninidom,’ said Centen.

‘Then it’s either the left or the right,’ said Mary.

‘Can one of you monks take off your blindfold, look at the signs and tell us which way it is, we’ll stand away so you don’t see us,’ said Mari.

‘Absolutely not, we’re not taking our blindfolds off in the presence of women,’ said Gamallio.

‘Look we’ll just point one of you in the right direction of the signs, then we’ll stand behind, let you know when we are, then you take off the blindfold, quickly check the sign, put the blindfold back on, and then let us know which way,’ said Mari.

‘It sounds quite reasonable,’ said Centen.

‘Absolutely not,’ repeated Gamallio, ‘it’s too risky.’

‘Too risky? We’re the ones at risk lost out here,’ said Mary

‘It would endanger our vow, we can’t,’ said Gamallio.

‘Well I’d say it’s pretty necessary to endanger it for us at this point,’ said Mary.

‘To endanger it is a step towards engendering sin, thus we cannot,’ said Gamallio.

‘So you won’t help a pair of lost ladies?’ said Mary.

‘I’m not saying that,’ said Gamallio

‘Then look at the sign,’ said Mary.

‘No, but if you have faith in me, take the left,’ said Gamallio

‘What so you know it’s the left?’ said Mary

‘I have faith it is,’ said Gamallio.

‘You have faith it is? So you don’t know it is?’ said Mary.

‘Not as such, but—‘

‘Look at the sign,’ said Mary, cutting off the old monk.

‘No,’ said Gamallio.

‘Right, you deserve a smack then,’ said Mary and swung her handbag into Gamallio’s genitals, collapsing the monk with a heavy wheeze.

‘And something for you wouldn’t be out of place either,’ said Mari, and slapped Centen hard across the face.

‘Come on, if he said left, then we’re going right, I bet his faith compass is well off,’ said Mary.

‘Good idea!’ said Mari and the two women took off, leaving the sarabaites to recover from their assault, having found their reasonability to be at fault.

‘Brother, are you OK? I heard you fall,’ said Centen.

‘My sins be forgiven, give me a moment to recover,’ said Gamallio, and struggling up with Centen’s help, recovered from the harsh blow, and they continued on their way.

‘So, how are we going to tell when we are at the right turn at the phone box, we know it’s three miles from this point, so have a rough estimation, but how exactly are we going to know when we come upon the right road?’ said Gamalio as they went.

‘I know, we we can travel just off the side of the road, that way we might bump into the phone box that’s by the turn,’ said Centen.

‘Well, that’s about as good as we’ve got, but won’t it hurt bumping into a phone box if we manage to?’

‘I’ll lead with an arm held out, so I’ll touch it first and know to investigate.

‘Lead the way then.’

They continued in silence following their plan. However, as they neared the turn, it would turn out they wouldn’t need to utilise it, for they heard talking. Talking coming from the phone box they were nearing.

‘I hear a voice brother,’ said Centen, and they got closer to the talking.

‘I know, I know, it just beggars belief that the man is like that, I had a cousin who used to carry a spittoon with me him wherever he went, and it was just disgusting how he was constantly spitting and spluttering saliva into it whenever he was out; but that man’s even worse to put toenail clippings in the thing…’ said the person in the phone box, the conversation ongoing, then she spotted the monks who had managed to stop by the phone box, guided by her voice, indicating they’d like to use it to her, and leaned out of it and said, ‘I won’t be a minute, loves,’ and continued her conversation, the most inane, confusing, repetitive, gossip giving, going behind a person’ back, chitchat of no real content you’d ever be likely to hear; and as the monks stood outside waiting for her to finish the conversation the drizzle turned into proper rain, gradually falling faster and faster and heavier and heavier, and her conversation was going on longer and longer.

After a while Centen knocked on the phone box, wanting to call for aid, and said, ‘excuse me, it’s quite urgent–‘

‘Shhh, I’m on the phone, love,’ she said cutting him off, ‘I won’t be a minute— yeah, like I was saying, Greyla is the sluttiest, trashiest, scrimpiest, most stinking stupid blonde airhead of a piece of a work you’re ever likely to meet this side of the world’s wastelands…’

So on the conversation went, and yet longer the monks waited in a now thunder escorted downpour smacking their habits. I don’t know how long the monks waited, but it was long.

‘How long have we waited?’ said Centen, finally.

‘I don’t know,’ said Gamallio.

‘I don’t think her conversation is going to end.’

‘Have faith.’

‘It’s pouring.’

‘Be brave.’

‘Her conversation isn’t going to end.’

‘It’s going to end.’

‘It’s not going to end, let’s not pretend it is; and I don’t think I can stand anymore of it.’

‘Fine then, stuff it, let’s go, your choice granted.’

Then after bumping around the phone box they moved on until their feet felt a gravel road again, and figuring, as they were going straight on from the phone box, that this was the right turn they best guessed to turn and carried on, hoping they were on the right way, and, far as I could tell from here, it looked they’d chosen okay.